A huge number of Brits dream of living in the sun. Warm weather, sandy beaches, relaxed Mediterranean lifestyle and all that bollocks. The trouble is a lot of these people have based their whole dream on a couple of good holidays and have no idea about the reality of living "Inside Postcard Land".

To begin with. Here is a list of the people that really get up my nose.

Premier League Man. He wears his team shirt all the time, searches for English bars and full English breakfasts, buys the Sun and calls everyone "mate".

Soap Woman. Wants a nice house by the sea but top priority is a 3 metre satellite dish as "I couldn't possibly live without Eastenders".

Arrogant Dick. Thinks all the locals are dirty and stupid and has no intention of learning the local "lingo".

Native Knickers. Been living here 30 years and knows everything about everything and can't stop reminding you of that.

and

Post Card Polly. Everything is so beautiful and quaint and "oh it is just a local custom". Well no it is not, the donkey in a hat is not cute, it is half starved, it is lame, it has open sores because they never take it's saddle off, it is cruel and the owner should be shot or at best put in jail.

trust me, there are more..............